The Reality of Being a Stay-at-Home Mom
Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t suited for everyone! It’s more challenging than most people realize. I’d like to share some thoughts and perhaps connect with a community that understands this journey. Below, I’ll highlight my experiences as a stay-at-home mom, including the struggles, realizations, and triumphs I’ve encountered along the way. Let’s go!
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What I Hear
People often say, "Wow, you just stay at home with the kids?" or "Oh, you're not working?" or "So, only your husband has a job?" Some think, "You're so lucky, you must have lots of free time!" or "What a great life you have!" Others wonder, "Doesn't it get boring?" or "It must be easy, right?" Some people feel they couldn't do what you do, thinking staying home with kids is plain simple. They say, "I need to work; I couldn't stay home like you!"
I may not have heard everything, but I've gotten plenty of comments about staying home with the kids.
The Sad Truth
You're on your own around the clock unless you have other family members who can give you a few hours off. If you're alone, it's all on you. And don't forget, your little ones see you as their whole world, so you have to toughen it up. No pressure, right?
Endless Tasks
Laundry for more people
It’s not like before when laundry was a once-a-week task; now it’s more frequent, meaning more clothes to fold and put away.
More mouths to feed
When it’s just you, you can eat anything without worrying about healthy eating habits or long-term effects. With kids, you have to consider these things, so preparing meals isn’t as quick and easy anymore. These are just the main chores, not even considering the smaller ones that still take time.
Laundry for more people
It’s not like before when laundry was a once-a-week task; now it’s more frequent, meaning more clothes to fold and put away.
More mouths to feed
When it’s just you, you can eat anything without worrying about healthy eating habits or long-term effects. With kids, you have to consider these things, so preparing meals isn’t as quick and easy anymore. These are just the main chores, not even considering the smaller ones that still take time.
No time to rest
When you’re sick, you can’t just go home and rest because you’re already home, and no one else is there to help. Especially if your husband has used all his sick leave caring for the kids when they were ill, leaving you alone, sick, and with the kids. I’m not trying to scare you, but it does happen.
No exceptions
Regardless of how exhausted you may feel—whether you've had no sleep or are buried in laundry—the household tasks will always be waiting for you. The house needs tidying, meals for the kids must be prepared, and so much more. It doesn't matter how you're feeling; you simply have to get it done. Period.
Even if you have someone at home, it’s important to recognize that you can’t always depend on others for support. The responsibilities still rest on your shoulders, particularly regarding household duties, and there’s often an expectation for you to manage most of the errands for the children.
Personal Identity
When you’re sick, you can’t just go home and rest because you’re already home, and no one else is there to help. Especially if your husband has used all his sick leave caring for the kids when they were ill, leaving you alone, sick, and with the kids. I’m not trying to scare you, but it does happen.
No exceptions
Regardless of how exhausted you may feel—whether you've had no sleep or are buried in laundry—the household tasks will always be waiting for you. The house needs tidying, meals for the kids must be prepared, and so much more. It doesn't matter how you're feeling; you simply have to get it done. Period.
Even if you have someone at home, it’s important to recognize that you can’t always depend on others for support. The responsibilities still rest on your shoulders, particularly regarding household duties, and there’s often an expectation for you to manage most of the errands for the children.
Personal Identity
When you're working at a job, there’s a defined list of duties, tasks to plan, and occasionally, you go above and beyond. But for stay-at-home moms, the list of responsibilities never ends.
With the constant tasks, it's easy to lose sight of who you are. You might start to wonder whether you're only valued for doing chores, changing diapers, and other repetitive duties, which can feel draining.
With the constant tasks, it's easy to lose sight of who you are. You might start to wonder whether you're only valued for doing chores, changing diapers, and other repetitive duties, which can feel draining.
You know your life is about more than just these tasks, but it can feel that way at times. That's why going out and having small adventures with your family is so important.
There’s no team for me because being at home alone with the kids means juggling household duties often feels like bearing the weight of solitude. At work, there’s a team to work with and someone to support you. But as a stay-at-home parent, you have to handle everything yourself, no matter if you're well or unwell.
As I mentioned, there’s no defined job description, so the aim is to tackle all the chores while managing the kids. If there's a side hustle, it adds even more stress because there’s no one to say, “You’ve done enough” or “Great job.” There’s no evaluation form to confirm you’ve ticked off everything on the list. As a stay-at-home parent, meeting everyone’s needs at home seems vital. Even with a supportive spouse who’s at work, it only becomes a team when they’re home; while they're away, you’re on your own trying to manage everything.
People say, “Don’t do all the chores,” but then you wonder if you’re fulfilling your role as a stay-at-home parent. There’s always a need to prove your worth to yourself, not to the world, but to feel like you’re doing something right. The isolation of handling it all alone can feel like the world is on your shoulders, with two little ones needing your care.
There’s No Pause Button
As a stay-at-home mom, I often feel a unique kind of tiredness that isn't always obvious to others. It's not just about being physically exhausted; it's the mental load of keeping track of everything, planning, and worrying about everyone in the family. This can be overwhelming because there's rarely a moment for myself; there's always something that needs my attention.
When you’re working, you get half an hour or more of quiet time to eat, relax, and clear your mind, which helps you recharge. But for me, breaks are a luxury I seldom experience when I'm alone. It's an endless cycle of chores and caring for the kids.
No one will know your pain
If you’re a stay-at-home mom and you’re alone, no one will know or see your pain and struggles every day. There are no coworkers to witness the mess, no manager to escalate any concerns to, and nothing is documented—no filing of incident reports. You capture with your phone all the wonderful memories and the kids' milestones, but never the chaos of the day.
At the end of the day, you don’t want to talk about it anymore, as you feel there’s no point in sharing it; the kids are fine, and that’s all that matters. You’re left with this feeling, and you keep it inside you until you burst out crying one day. The cycle repeats over and over again.
Mental Load
When the kids become big enough and mobile, the mental load becomes tougher!
When I'm in bed, I sometimes can’t fall asleep immediately. I have a never-ending list of tasks on my mind, waking up thinking about them and wondering if I forgot something. Even though I do a lot, it often goes unnoticed. I don't need praise or awards, but sometimes it just feels this way - just overwhelming. When you're home with the kids, this way of thinking just comes naturally, even though no one is telling you to feel this way.
I might smile and say I’m okay, even when I’m feeling completely overwhelmed. This is just how things can be sometimes. I feel deeply blessed to have a loving and supportive husband, but I often find myself putting my needs last. It’s not that I don’t matter; rather, I care deeply about my family's needs. At times, I think that since this is my current career, I treat it like a job. Because no one is watching or recording, I feel the need to endlessly prove to myself that I’m doing the best I can.
Career Change
Is it truly worth it? To be honest, I've often wondered, especially when it comes to my resume. Listing "stay-at-home mom" often brings forth those familiar comments, and no matter how challenging my journey has been, some only see the perceived inactivity during those years.
Let’s not even mention restroom breaks, as there simply aren’t any. Just imagine juggling an infant and a toddler – even if it’s just the infant, the world doesn’t pause for you. You need to be as quick as possible; no time for phone usage. With a baby in your arms, you must make things happen!
When you want to go on a trip during the weekend, or simply attend a doctor's appointment, plus get groceries on the way and maybe stop over for some more essentials, or a birthday party. Then you have to complete the chores before the weekend; you can't rely on your partner to help because they're still at work. You can’t waste time, and you simply have to make it happen.
The Isolation
As I mentioned, there’s no defined job description, so the aim is to tackle all the chores while managing the kids. If there's a side hustle, it adds even more stress because there’s no one to say, “You’ve done enough” or “Great job.” There’s no evaluation form to confirm you’ve ticked off everything on the list. As a stay-at-home parent, meeting everyone’s needs at home seems vital. Even with a supportive spouse who’s at work, it only becomes a team when they’re home; while they're away, you’re on your own trying to manage everything.
People say, “Don’t do all the chores,” but then you wonder if you’re fulfilling your role as a stay-at-home parent. There’s always a need to prove your worth to yourself, not to the world, but to feel like you’re doing something right. The isolation of handling it all alone can feel like the world is on your shoulders, with two little ones needing your care.
As a stay-at-home mom, I often feel a unique kind of tiredness that isn't always obvious to others. It's not just about being physically exhausted; it's the mental load of keeping track of everything, planning, and worrying about everyone in the family. This can be overwhelming because there's rarely a moment for myself; there's always something that needs my attention.
When you’re working, you get half an hour or more of quiet time to eat, relax, and clear your mind, which helps you recharge. But for me, breaks are a luxury I seldom experience when I'm alone. It's an endless cycle of chores and caring for the kids.
If you’re a stay-at-home mom and you’re alone, no one will know or see your pain and struggles every day. There are no coworkers to witness the mess, no manager to escalate any concerns to, and nothing is documented—no filing of incident reports. You capture with your phone all the wonderful memories and the kids' milestones, but never the chaos of the day.
At the end of the day, you don’t want to talk about it anymore, as you feel there’s no point in sharing it; the kids are fine, and that’s all that matters. You’re left with this feeling, and you keep it inside you until you burst out crying one day. The cycle repeats over and over again.
Mental Load
When the kids become big enough and mobile, the mental load becomes tougher!
When they're babies and toddlers, it's all about keeping them alive. But when they start school, it's a different game. There's more mental load with school drop-offs, activities, homework, and even holiday planning, since you have to make them all special. Then there are birthdays, which involve finding cake toppers and a place to eat. Even if it’s just a small party with family and a couple of friends, it takes a lot to organize. You want to make it special because seeing their smiles makes all the effort worth it. It’s a small price to pay for your child’s special day.
I use a Weekly Planner to keep me sane. I don’t know how I would manage my life without it. For appointments, anniversaries, shopping, and cleaning, it's my chaos coordinator. I use it to organize my meal preps, groceries, my online business, and so much more. We need this!
I also have a Huge Calendar where I plot all the events we have to attend, serving as another reminder for myself and the whole family, so everyone is involved.
I use a Weekly Planner to keep me sane. I don’t know how I would manage my life without it. For appointments, anniversaries, shopping, and cleaning, it's my chaos coordinator. I use it to organize my meal preps, groceries, my online business, and so much more. We need this!
I also have a Huge Calendar where I plot all the events we have to attend, serving as another reminder for myself and the whole family, so everyone is involved.
It's Never Enough
Once, I worried I wasn't getting enough steps to help maintain a healthy lifestyle, so I got a watch tracker to monitor my daily steps. To my surprise, I was making more steps than in a typical office job—this put a smile on my face because sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough, and sitting on the couch makes me feel like I’m not getting things done.
All the little and big jobs that keep everything working are often done quietly without acknowledgement. When everything is going smoothly, people say it’s easy and forget about the hard work behind it. This is the moment I feel invisible, as if all my efforts are taken for granted.
All the little and big jobs that keep everything working are often done quietly without acknowledgement. When everything is going smoothly, people say it’s easy and forget about the hard work behind it. This is the moment I feel invisible, as if all my efforts are taken for granted.
I might smile and say I’m okay, even when I’m feeling completely overwhelmed. This is just how things can be sometimes. I feel deeply blessed to have a loving and supportive husband, but I often find myself putting my needs last. It’s not that I don’t matter; rather, I care deeply about my family's needs. At times, I think that since this is my current career, I treat it like a job. Because no one is watching or recording, I feel the need to endlessly prove to myself that I’m doing the best I can.
Career Change
Is it truly worth it? To be honest, I've often wondered, especially when it comes to my resume. Listing "stay-at-home mom" often brings forth those familiar comments, and no matter how challenging my journey has been, some only see the perceived inactivity during those years.
People often remind me that kids are only young once, but I have to remember that I am also young only once. My biological clock and career timeline don't pause while I stay home; everyone else continues to advance in their careers, build relationships, and receive recognition. This situation often feels beyond my control and can lead to an uncomfortable feeling of unfulfillment in a specific area of my life. However, I know it's essential to keep moving forward.
It Has To Be Done
Let’s not even mention restroom breaks, as there simply aren’t any. Just imagine juggling an infant and a toddler – even if it’s just the infant, the world doesn’t pause for you. You need to be as quick as possible; no time for phone usage. With a baby in your arms, you must make things happen!
When you want to go on a trip during the weekend, or simply attend a doctor's appointment, plus get groceries on the way and maybe stop over for some more essentials, or a birthday party. Then you have to complete the chores before the weekend; you can't rely on your partner to help because they're still at work. You can’t waste time, and you simply have to make it happen.
Make sure all the laundry is done and that the bedroom and the kids' bedroom have clean sheets, pillowcases, and blankets. Ensure towels are clean, the floor is tidy, the carpet is vacuumed, the kitchen counters are clean, and there's food in the fridge that can be heated up. If you're going on a long trip, pack all the bags in addition to doing the chores. I use a Family Travel Packing Checklist to simplify my packing experience.
Even more for a weekend getaway, you need to do everything because by the time you return, it's already the start of the week. Your partner will be at work, and if your kid goes to school, dropping them off and picking them up is your responsibility, since it fits your schedule. Don't forget to do the grocery shopping again while you're at it.
What Matters
Witnessing my children's milestones and growth firsthand is a priceless and rewarding experience. While your kids won't remember things like how much weight you lost or gained, how messy or clean your home was, that expensive toy they wanted, or what kind of car you drove, they will remember your warm hugs, genuine smile, the way you showed up for them, and how your face lit up whenever they walked into a room.
This Too Shall Pass
There will always be ups and downs, but I know that my bond with my boys is growing stronger every day—and it’s not always perfect or even something I can capture on my phone.
As the days are long and hours seem to linger, the years fly by in the blink of an eye. I’ve only celebrated four Christmases with my first child, and it feels far too few. Meanwhile, my youngest just experienced his first wonderful Christmas and birthday with us. I've had four summers filled with fun, four pumpkin patches, four winter wonderland adventures, and four springs with my little one, and when I think about it, I yearn for even more.
One day, there will be no more “Mommy” calls every single time, no more spontaneous hugs and kisses. I feel truly blessed. Although it can be challenging at times, I know this journey is meant for me right now, and I am embracing all of its pain, sorrow, excitement, and beautiful adventures.
5. Stay Connected
Here's another special Packing checklist designed for families. It includes packing lists for babies and kids to ensure nothing is overlooked!
I also encourage my kids to do tasks suitable for their age, like mixing omelette batter, unloading the dishwasher, setting the table, and folding laundry with me. This not only boosts their confidence but also gives you a little break. Teamwork starts now!
Where am I going next?
Your Focus
Great mental strength is essential. Stay focused. Allow yourself to cry, then rise back up. If you need to cry again, that's okay. Everything simply needs to be done.
Your Presence
They'll cherish the bedtime stories you read to them, the silly dance parties in the living room, the homemade banana muffins -my specialty! you baked together, and the times you comforted them after a bad dream. They'll recall the laughter you shared during family game nights, the encouragement you gave during their school performances, and the way you cheered them on from the sidelines at their basketball games.
Never Compare
I always remind myself not to compare myself to stories I see on the internet; that I'm doing great, we’re doing great, mama’s! Real motherhood is uniquely mine and yours. It’s okay to go at your own pace! I am going at my own pace, and whatever works, works for me!
In Scottish folklore, it is said that a ladybug can lead you to your true love. Here is the living proof!
Finding the Right Partner
My husband cares deeply; he would stay up late to take care of the kids, even if it means waking up early for work. I try to steer clear of this because I worry about his safety while driving when he's tired. I truly feel blessed to have him in my life.
I always remind myself not to compare myself to stories I see on the internet; that I'm doing great, we’re doing great, mama’s! Real motherhood is uniquely mine and yours. It’s okay to go at your own pace! I am going at my own pace, and whatever works, works for me!
Also, we have to be kind and take care of ourselves, because being present is not enough; we have to show love, calmness, a bountiful amount of patience and an abundance of kindness, which is what our little ones really need.
Every child is unique and irreplaceable, and I never compare my kids, either. One baby may fall asleep only when gently rocked, while another might doze off to a particular lullaby. Some little ones require their favorite stuffed animal nearby, whereas others enjoy the calming sound of a white noise machine. These distinctive sleep habits and the special routines that only you both share are truly the cherry on top.
My Mantra
Explore our latest Adventures: Hop aboard my latest adventure train as I swap solo escapades for globe-trotting with my fabulous family of four! It's been a wild ride, but oh-so-rewarding!
Read through the list and replace my name with yours. Remember to be kind to yourself; you’re doing an amazing job, Mama!
- “You are exactly where you are meant to be, Tre.”
- "In a year, these worries will seem insignificant, Tre. Focus on not stressing over the small things."
- "We create our world by the quality of our thoughts, Tre "
- “Every struggle in your life has shaped you into the person you are today. Be thankful for the hard times; they can only make you stronger, Tre”. - Keanu Reeves
There will always be ups and downs, but I know that my bond with my boys is growing stronger every day—and it’s not always perfect or even something I can capture on my phone.
I’m gradually coming to realize that these are truly the best days of my life, and I know I’ll one day look back fondly on all the time spent together. The privilege of watching them grow day by day fills my heart with immense joy and love. While the house may be chaotic, it reflects the fun, creativity, and transformations they are experiencing in their lives. I feel incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to be with them every single day and to cherish every moment of their existence.
"The days are long, but the years are short" - Gretchen Rubin
As the days are long and hours seem to linger, the years fly by in the blink of an eye. I’ve only celebrated four Christmases with my first child, and it feels far too few. Meanwhile, my youngest just experienced his first wonderful Christmas and birthday with us. I've had four summers filled with fun, four pumpkin patches, four winter wonderland adventures, and four springs with my little one, and when I think about it, I yearn for even more.
One day, there will be no more “Mommy” calls every single time, no more spontaneous hugs and kisses. I feel truly blessed. Although it can be challenging at times, I know this journey is meant for me right now, and I am embracing all of its pain, sorrow, excitement, and beautiful adventures.
Becoming a mother makes you realize you can almost do anything one-handed
How to Survive Being a Stay-at-Home Parent
Having a structured approach helps me stay organized and focused. Here are some tips:
1. Set a Routine
Having a structured approach helps me stay organized and focused. Here are some tips:
1. Set a Routine
Allocate specific times for tasks like chores, meals, and personal time. In reality, this doesn’t always work, so I have a time range for chores and the kids.
2. Be Flexible
2. Be Flexible
Allow for routine or schedule adjustments for unexpected events or rest. I always stay flexible depending on the day's mood and the kids' behavior.
3. Utilize Technology
3. Utilize Technology
I created my own village of gadgets to help me prepare meals, like my Instant Pot and a iRobot Vacuum Cleaner that cleans the house. Here’s a list of all my favorite gadgets to survive motherhood.
4. Use a Planner: Reduce the Mental Load!
4. Use a Planner: Reduce the Mental Load!
I like to write things down; sometimes I use my phone for a grocery list, but the power of writing it down feels more significant to me. I use my phone for important reminders and digital calendars for birthdays. A dedicated planner for tasks helps boost productivity. I use a Weekly Planner to write appointments, kid’s schedules, and to plan the week. I may not update it constantly, but it keeps me on track. A To-Do List Notebook is another option—more straightforward.
5. Stay Connected
Make time for virtual chats with friends or family to feel supported.
6. Celebrate Achievements
6. Celebrate Achievements
This is my life-saver! When my husband is off, we try to get out and go on mini-adventures with the family—a short hike, plus a quick run to the grocery store - saves time for errands or a meal out. We rarely eat out, unless friends invite us or we’re celebrating something big. We try to find new hidden gems around our area just to see something different.
7. Prioritize Self-Care
7. Prioritize Self-Care
When my husband is home, I try to schedule breaks for activities I enjoy, such as reading, taking a bubble bath, or doing a quick workout.
I also have a Gratitude Journal to remind me of the small things I'm thankful for, nothing hard, just simply trying to be more mindful.
8. Traveling with Kids
Here's a tip to make travelling with kids easier: I use a Family Travel Packing Checklist to simplify packing and avoid forgetting essentials, which reduces last-minute shopping trips. This tool is crucial for stress-free travel with kids, helping keep our trips organized.
9. Make a Mood Booster
Make your own keepsake that will lift you when things are hard. I made a video of my little man asking these questions, and it always puts a smile on my face:
10. Get the Whole Family Involved
At our house, my husband and I share all the daily tasks and parenting duties. He helps with things like cooking on weekends and putting the kids to bed. Remember, you're not alone, even if it feels that way sometimes. Sharing responsibilities can make your relationship stronger and create a more balanced parenting experience.
We have a Huge Calendar to remind everyone about appointments, events, and more.
- What is Mommy’s name?
- How old is Mommy?
- What is Mommy’s favorite food?
- What does Mommy like to do?
- What is your favorite thing to do with Mommy?
- Does Mommy love you?
- Do you love Mommy?
- Why do you love Mommy?
At our house, my husband and I share all the daily tasks and parenting duties. He helps with things like cooking on weekends and putting the kids to bed. Remember, you're not alone, even if it feels that way sometimes. Sharing responsibilities can make your relationship stronger and create a more balanced parenting experience.
We have a Huge Calendar to remind everyone about appointments, events, and more.
I also encourage my kids to do tasks suitable for their age, like mixing omelette batter, unloading the dishwasher, setting the table, and folding laundry with me. This not only boosts their confidence but also gives you a little break. Teamwork starts now!
Becoming a mother was both thrilling and challenging. The joy of holding my baby was unmatched, but the responsibility felt overwhelming. Through sleepless nights and diaper changes, I found that the right home and baby essentials were crucial. Here's a guide that shares my personal journey with the invaluable items that eased my early motherhood experience. Discover more: The Ultimate Survival List for Moms: Must-Have Home and Baby Gear!
Being a stay-at-home mom is a unique journey, rich with a blend of emotions and experiences. Each day unfolds new adventures, which makes this role both fulfilling and challenging. I wouldn't change a thing; this is my journey, and I embrace it with honor.
Have fun and be safe ^__^
Do you want more adventure?
- My next adventure will take me to Kyoto, Japan, one of the oldest cities in the country and the cultural heart of Japan. Picture this: mouth-watering matcha treats and wandering through endless green bamboo forests.
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